Why Do I Hate Myself When I Don't Get Things Done?

You had good intentions.

You made the list. Maybe you even bought a new planner. This time was going to be different. But somehow, the day got away from you. Again.

Now you're staring at everything you didn't do, and your inner critic has a lot to say:

"What's wrong with me?"

"Why can't I just do the things?"

"Everyone else manages to adult. Why can't I?"

If those thoughts sound familiar, I want you to know something before we go any further:

You're not alone, and you're not broken.

Particularly for late-identified AuDHD folks, the cycle of setting goals, falling behind, and beating ourselves up can become so familiar that we assume self-loathing is just part of life. But it doesn't have to be!

In this post, I'll share three steps that can help you interrupt that cycle, find support, and actually start getting things done - not by trying harder, but by giving your brain what it's been missing all along.

This is step 1 - recognizing you're not alone. Though it can certainly feel that way as you watch other people juggle careers, homes, relationships, and businesses, while you're wondering why answering one email took half your afternoon.

And for decades, I assumed many of my quirks and struggles were mine alone. Then I discovered that I was AuDHD, and pieces started falling into place.

For example, I was recently listening to the audiobook of AuDHD: Blooming Differently by Leanne Maskell.* In it, she mentioned that some neurodivergent people will visit a place ahead of time just to scout it out before they actually need to be there.

I actually laughed out loud because I've done that before. More than once. I just didn't realize anybody else did it.

Later that same day, a friend mentioned he'd done exactly the same thing.

It seems like such a tiny thing, but moments like that matter. Every time you discover someone else shares one of your "weird" habits, you're reminded that maybe you were never the problem.

That's one of the reasons I read so much. Books help me feel less alone, and they give me ideas and stories I can share with others.

But books aren't always enough.

Sometimes what you really need is another person saying, "Me too."

That's a big part of why I created the Cozy Coworking Crew Discord (and made it just $7 per month!). It's a place where AuDHDers can talk honestly about the struggles, celebrate the wins, and remind one another that none of us has to figure this out alone.

Because your brain isn't a machine!

• Some days you'll have energy.

• Some days you'll have ideas but no momentum.

• Some days you'll be dragging ass because you barely slept.

• Some days everything will just feel harder than it should.

None of that makes you lazy; it just makes you human. And let's face it, we AuDHDers struggle with accepting ourselves as humans more than most people.

This is where step 2 comes in: having the right support network.

When you're stuck, you don't necessarily need someone to tell you to "try harder." You've probably been hearing some version of that your whole life...and where has it gotten you? I dunno about you, but it mostly just made me feel broken and worthless.

What you need are people who understand what being stuck actually feels like.

People who can help you brainstorm your next step.

People who can encourage you to tackle just one tiny task.

People who can simply remind you that tomorrow is another day.

Inside the Cozy Coworking Crew Discord, that's one of the important things we do. Some days you'll be the one asking for encouragement, and some days you'll be the one giving it.

Either way, you're building something much more powerful than motivation; you're building connection.

One tiny step at a time.

• Not: once your house is clean.

• Not: once you've figured your life out.

• Not: once you're finally "motivated."

Now.

This is step 3, and it's often the hardest: Show up and get shit done.

One of the biggest things I've learned is that momentum comes from showing up - not from feeling ready. That's why the coworking rooms inside the Cozy Coworking Crew are open whenever you need them.

You can drop in for ten minutes or stay for two hours.

You can let us know what you want to get done - it can be one tiny thing, or a whole day's list.

You can work quietly, chat in text, or talk through your thinking voice chat.

Then the magic happens: You get to celebrate crossing a thing off your list.

Knowing someone else is working alongside you - even if they're doing something completely different - can make both starting and staying at it feel much less overwhelming.

Nope. In fact, I'd rather you didn't.

If your house is a mess...

If your hair is a mess...

If your business is a mess...

If you feel like a mess...

You're welcome anyway.

That's the whole point.

This isn't a community where you have to pretend you've got it all together. It's a community where you can show up exactly as you are and still be accepted.

You don't even have to turn your camera on!

I choose to work with my camera on because I want to model something I think more of us need to see: Showing up messy is still showing up.

And showing up always counts.

If you've been asking yourself...

"Why can't I get anything done?"

"Why do I keep failing my goals?"

"Why do I hate myself every time I fall behind?"

...I hope you'll consider asking different questions. Ones like:

"What if I don't need more self-discipline?"

"What if I need more support?"

Because when you stop fighting your brain and start surrounding yourself with people who understand it, something changes.

You feel better about yourself.

You stop feeling so alone.

And perhaps best of all...

You actually start getting shit done.

The Cozy Coworking Crew Discord was built specifically for women like us.

It's a place to work, ask questions, celebrate wins, get encouragement, and remember that messy and done is better than perfection that never gets finished.

For just $7 a month, you can join a community that understands exactly why building a business with an AuDHD brain can be so challenging - and why you absolutely don't have to face those challenges alone.

Come as you are.

I'll save you a seat.

*Have I mentioned how much I LOVE audiobooks? They are fabulous! I can listen to them while driving, taking my morning walks, and even doing household tasks and chores. They take my mind off of the drudgery of such things and keep my brain engaged so that I don't have to be bored...as well as sometimes happening upon nuggets like this that help me not feel so alone.